The price of being judgemental, for me, is the near-instant compassion rebound. I watched my friend's ex-husband leave the house for jury duty today and thought, "how would this feel to me?"
Life is complicated. I remember times when I felt so completely demoralized I could not move. I can remember times when I unhappy enough to be destructive and truth be told I live in fear of becoming completely superfluous.
What if things go wrong? What if I suddenly lose my way and shudder to a halt? What if my What if the things that led to this house running itself down with the passage of time start to happen to me? What if I suddenly find I can't move forward?
It's terrifying.
I hope and pray I can always find a way to be useful. I suppose that means I hope always to be included, somewhere. It's not a given, people do end up alone. I've seen proof of that and it looks pretty scary.
random thoughts on the passage through an ordinary life.
About Me
- Stephanie Farrington
- I figure if there's an average person, it's probably me. That is to say, I have lived in a few places, probably about average, I have a post-secondary education and an unfinished MFA - which is probably average for people who pursue and education, I'm hitting middle age, my job has been downsized and resized so many times it's safe to say I've never had any job security. I live an average life on the precarious edge of the middle class. I'm happily married to an American, I hold Canadian citizenship, for now. But I'm so disgusted with just about everything going on in Canada that I may pursue changing my citizenship to match my husband's. I am fiercely loyal to American ideals, in part because they make sense and in part because I am descended from a signer of the Declaration of Independence. The idea of an equitable democracy, a meritocracy - that appeals to me. I write, I read, talk, take pictures and worry - just like everybody else. The hopes I hold most dear are for the health and well being of my immediate family, myself included, and the continuance of my happy life with my wonderful husband. Everything else seems manageable.
1 comment:
If neither Ottawa nor Austin end up being home, you could always come back here to Boston.
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