Ten Years After

Here we are, September 11, 2011. It's funny how we think not very much in our lives changes from day to day and yet when you look back over a decade, everything changes. Nothing is the same at all. Ten years ago I was living in Toronto. I was just starting mt second year of grad school and was still involved with Jesse, who still had his original kidney transplant. I was volunteering for the Toronto International Film Festival. I had never been to Texas, had never written a blog, never heard of Facebook and as far as I knew North Adams did not exist. I was on the verge of a lot of unhappiness but I didn't know that then. I was in an abusive relationship, that was becoming clear. We seem to think waking up is something we do suddenly and irrevocably. But it's not. Life seems to me to be a series of times when we are awake and times when we fall back into a deep and dangerous slumber. The lessons I learned from 9/11? Everything can change in a heartbeat - and it often does. I have a limited time on earth. Love should not be a chore. Leaving a place when things get difficult is about the worst thing you can do. Staying with a person after you know things have gone sour may be the only thing that is more destructive. I am tougher than I think. As I listen to the water in the flood channel behind the mill and watch the sky brighten, I can't help but think of all the people who have come and gone from my life and be grateful for those who are here and those who have passed through. I hope someday to be remembered fondly - I think that's about all you can ask.