Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
River flows
I love my balcony. It is long and comfortable and when I go outside to sit and write or read or just look at the sky it feels as though I can see the whole rotation of the earth, which always makes me think.
Right now clouds are blowing over, patches of pale grey and white cloud are breaking up and giving way to a sun washed blue. The sun is going down.
No matter where you are or how very badly you want to be somewhere else it seems to me there is always something to love about exactly where you are - right now. I've spent the last three days packing my things into the storage locker in preparation for Texas. Monday night I'll be in Boston - these are places I look forward to visiting and in the case of Austin, I hope very much to make it my second home eventually. But that does not change the beauty of the sunset, the freshness of the cool breeze sweeping the clouds from the sky, the peace of my own little place where arguments and tension do not intrude - ever.
People need retreats, I think. Everyone deserves sanctuary and solitude. It has been almost exactly a year since I moved into my little sanctuary and while I look forward to moving on, I do love and bless this place even with the periods of loneliness it has brought into my life with it.
People say that much of life is beyond their control and I am sure they're right but at the same time there are times when the elements combine to make something you thought was a compromise, something completely out of your control, into the right thing, exactly right.
My little solitary home, quiet, compact, humble in the extreme has been one of those exactly right things. And this is one of those exactly right moments - watching the sun go down through the clouds, watching the sky open above me, listening to quiet music, seeing the rain-washed streets below, the new green leaves on the trees at last and down the lane, a few children calling to each other as they play.
The birds are flying back to the islands in the Ottawa river for the night, a few lights are coming on in the houses and apartments around me, cars go by now and then carrying people home or out for the evening and I am alone and happy.
I am happy and if I had one wish right now it would be that I could always remember to be happy where I am and to know everything will turn out alright because in the end it always does and I would wish I could keep this mental snapshot of myself exactly as I am right now - at peace in the midst of the river of my life as it flows through this place and on to somewhere new.
Right now clouds are blowing over, patches of pale grey and white cloud are breaking up and giving way to a sun washed blue. The sun is going down.
No matter where you are or how very badly you want to be somewhere else it seems to me there is always something to love about exactly where you are - right now. I've spent the last three days packing my things into the storage locker in preparation for Texas. Monday night I'll be in Boston - these are places I look forward to visiting and in the case of Austin, I hope very much to make it my second home eventually. But that does not change the beauty of the sunset, the freshness of the cool breeze sweeping the clouds from the sky, the peace of my own little place where arguments and tension do not intrude - ever.
People need retreats, I think. Everyone deserves sanctuary and solitude. It has been almost exactly a year since I moved into my little sanctuary and while I look forward to moving on, I do love and bless this place even with the periods of loneliness it has brought into my life with it.
People say that much of life is beyond their control and I am sure they're right but at the same time there are times when the elements combine to make something you thought was a compromise, something completely out of your control, into the right thing, exactly right.
My little solitary home, quiet, compact, humble in the extreme has been one of those exactly right things. And this is one of those exactly right moments - watching the sun go down through the clouds, watching the sky open above me, listening to quiet music, seeing the rain-washed streets below, the new green leaves on the trees at last and down the lane, a few children calling to each other as they play.
The birds are flying back to the islands in the Ottawa river for the night, a few lights are coming on in the houses and apartments around me, cars go by now and then carrying people home or out for the evening and I am alone and happy.
I am happy and if I had one wish right now it would be that I could always remember to be happy where I am and to know everything will turn out alright because in the end it always does and I would wish I could keep this mental snapshot of myself exactly as I am right now - at peace in the midst of the river of my life as it flows through this place and on to somewhere new.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Poverty and Shame
In the tarot deck there is a particular card, the five of pentacles. It depicts a couple in the snow outside a church. One is on crutches and has a bandaged foot, the other is huddling in rags against the cold. They move forward, beside the church, outside of the institution that could help them, impoverished and ashamed.
The card's meaning is easy to read. A situation or alliance made that creates poverty, alienation from the social network and shame. It is a situation most of us fear and one, I believe, that is largely the imagination brought to life in its worst possible incarnation.
Last week I went on a job interview to work as a community organizer for ACORN. I had some hopes that the job might be rewarding because after all, Obama did it once. When I arrived at the office, the smell was almost more than I could bear. (as cliched as that sounds it is the truth) It was in a ramshackle building, at the back, across from a strip club in the worst possible area of town. I got a second interview.
On this second interview it was my task to accompany one of the community organizers on his rounds. He had a scooter so I took a bus and met him in a neighborhood where I had never been before.
The neighborhood consisted of a few apartment blocks and several sets of townhouses with a road running through it. We went to the first apartment block and he studied the intercom, checking his clipboard frequently. When a small group of residents went in, we followed. He did not press any of the intercom buttons. We snuck in.
He knocked on doors. In nearly every case, there was no response. We finally found a woman and her children at home. He asked her if she was planning to be at the environmental meeting that night and asked if we could come in to talk.
She said yes and once inside he launched into a kind of pitch about the problems in the building and what she thought they could do about it. I smiled at the children and tried to be as responsive as I could be. She related more and more to me and it was interesting enough.
Soon her husband came home and this is what got me thinking.
First of all, I was concerned for her safety. Marriage can be a volatile place at the best of times and there we were, dinnertime drawing near, taking his wife's time and energy away from his household.
Then there was his response. When asked what should be done about the conditions of the building he drew himself up to his full height and gave the answer I expected.
He said he was a paying customer, that the building was a business and like any other business it would succeed or fail on its own merits. He said his solution was to pull himself up and get his family out of there. He was ashamed of being poor - that much was obvious and he wanted us to know that unlike others who may be stupid enough to be trapped there, he was different. He would be leaving very soon.
I wanted to protect his sense of self but more than that I could see quite clearly through the lens of his self-respect that there was no way ACORN could make headway while people are ashamed of being poor. And this is how the Conservative government gets away with their shocking behavior toward the poor. In this society we believe that being poor is shameful, preventable and it puts you outside of the concern of society. Just like that card.
If we are ever to make strides toward eradicating poverty in this world, shame will have to go first.
We left the building and I asked the organizer about the woman, I asked him if he ever weighed her safety or his ego against what he was trying to accomplish.
He responded by saying; "we treat everyone equally, we are not counsellors" and I thought, that's the problem, isn't it? We treat everyone alike. We do not care about their personal lives. We make these places and then we pretend we can do so little to fix them, we set up boundaries, we think change can only happen in one way.
I am not going to be fooled by that kind of thinking anymore.
I told him the job would not suit me but that I would think about it. And I have.
The card's meaning is easy to read. A situation or alliance made that creates poverty, alienation from the social network and shame. It is a situation most of us fear and one, I believe, that is largely the imagination brought to life in its worst possible incarnation.
Last week I went on a job interview to work as a community organizer for ACORN. I had some hopes that the job might be rewarding because after all, Obama did it once. When I arrived at the office, the smell was almost more than I could bear. (as cliched as that sounds it is the truth) It was in a ramshackle building, at the back, across from a strip club in the worst possible area of town. I got a second interview.
On this second interview it was my task to accompany one of the community organizers on his rounds. He had a scooter so I took a bus and met him in a neighborhood where I had never been before.
The neighborhood consisted of a few apartment blocks and several sets of townhouses with a road running through it. We went to the first apartment block and he studied the intercom, checking his clipboard frequently. When a small group of residents went in, we followed. He did not press any of the intercom buttons. We snuck in.
He knocked on doors. In nearly every case, there was no response. We finally found a woman and her children at home. He asked her if she was planning to be at the environmental meeting that night and asked if we could come in to talk.
She said yes and once inside he launched into a kind of pitch about the problems in the building and what she thought they could do about it. I smiled at the children and tried to be as responsive as I could be. She related more and more to me and it was interesting enough.
Soon her husband came home and this is what got me thinking.
First of all, I was concerned for her safety. Marriage can be a volatile place at the best of times and there we were, dinnertime drawing near, taking his wife's time and energy away from his household.
Then there was his response. When asked what should be done about the conditions of the building he drew himself up to his full height and gave the answer I expected.
He said he was a paying customer, that the building was a business and like any other business it would succeed or fail on its own merits. He said his solution was to pull himself up and get his family out of there. He was ashamed of being poor - that much was obvious and he wanted us to know that unlike others who may be stupid enough to be trapped there, he was different. He would be leaving very soon.
I wanted to protect his sense of self but more than that I could see quite clearly through the lens of his self-respect that there was no way ACORN could make headway while people are ashamed of being poor. And this is how the Conservative government gets away with their shocking behavior toward the poor. In this society we believe that being poor is shameful, preventable and it puts you outside of the concern of society. Just like that card.
If we are ever to make strides toward eradicating poverty in this world, shame will have to go first.
We left the building and I asked the organizer about the woman, I asked him if he ever weighed her safety or his ego against what he was trying to accomplish.
He responded by saying; "we treat everyone equally, we are not counsellors" and I thought, that's the problem, isn't it? We treat everyone alike. We do not care about their personal lives. We make these places and then we pretend we can do so little to fix them, we set up boundaries, we think change can only happen in one way.
I am not going to be fooled by that kind of thinking anymore.
I told him the job would not suit me but that I would think about it. And I have.
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