Yoga diary - entry 20

Ok, it's been a while.

For one thing I thought if all I was doing was struggling, I should not bore anyone with the repetition of it. Even myself - and yoga has been nothing but struggling until my monthly break. Then there was guilt, cause that break went on for six days this month, then there was more guilt cause I didn't do my morning practice, instead I chose to try a new DVD and did two evening routines instead.

The evening routines were good and I will incorporate them into a regular thing doing my morning practice on weekdays and evening practice (well, late afternoon) on weekends. I think this will suit me better because it means I'm not getting resentful about doing exactly the same thing every single day, which I think would be drudgery even if it were something like eating chocolate, and it allows me to use one practice to boost the other. And that has been the net effect of falling into disorganization and then coming back into personal organization.

This morning's practice was bliss. I understood why I was doing it. I worked hard at it, I enjoyed it and I thought about very little else while I was doing it. This, I understand, is desirable so I'm glad.

As a result, I feel blissful, peaceful, self-confident and (although this still defies objective logic) svelte.

In fact, I feel so much better, so balanced and restored compared to the struggling creature I have been that when the ex called ot say he missed me, I answered - "of course you do. You love me." Instead of getting all limp and tearful with him. Yay for that.

And now - I have a bazilion things to get done and the energy to do them.

Lesson for today? Let yourself fall apart, let yourself become unglued and get reorganized to your own standards. It's got to be on your terms. This is my practice, I'm not doing it for the benefit of anybody else.