Even more random than usual.

This blog is all over the place - a poem here, a few pictures, a story there, some political frustrations vented and a few ideas mixed in. I think there might even be some recipes.

Today, that's a fair description of me.

I'm unhappy with my status as a Canadian citizen on so many levels. Of course it's absurd to complain about being a citizen of a developed nation but on the other hand, how many countries deliberately remain under such a demeaning system as an actual Monarchy?

I'm watching the Hamster in Chief rule Canada like a king and of course he can. He appointed the Governor General and he can haul her ass right out of there and because Canada is what it is - what she says, ultimately, goes. What this means is a man who should have no more power than any other MP is actually and effectively an absolute ruler of what was supposed to be an augmented democracy.

Then there is that fact in and of itself.

We are closer to the United States than any other country. We share a land mass, culture, values, traditions, holidays and realistically - a language. Many of us, myself included, have our roots on both sides of the border. In my case the division is pretty extreme being both Revolutionary (I am descended from Charles Carroll of Carrollton on one branch of my mother's family) and United Empire Loyalist. (not surprisingly, a close relative of Carroll's - my family tends to be polarized.)

That mixed descent and my scrutiny of both systems and the laws that form the structure of our lives in the broadest sense has given me a perspective that is both deeply personal and at the same time completely objective on the issue of nationhood and borders.

I look at these two countries, so very close together and I see two siblings who have a deep and unresolved wound between them. Literally, Canada abandoned the U.S. in order to side with the idea of Monarchy. That division remains. Canadians are subjects of the Queen and that reality has much more of an impact on our daily lives than people understand. SH could not prorogue parliament if that were not so - and that is only one example. Try saying no to a mining company that wants to tear up your farm and you'll soon see another even more disastrous after effect of that decision.

In my view, there's no dignity in living like this. I listen to what people say, read the news, watch people's actions and it seems apparent to me that most of them don't even know what it means to be Canadian as opposed to being American. There is this prevailing view that Canada is a gentler, quieter, less warlike version of the United States. It's not true. Americans talk and argue and often end up in places where they should not be, perhaps but they discuss these things. The dialogue is always open. There is no power in the United States that can shut the government down for a breather - not even the President has that power. That power belongs only to the people.

Canada is the younger sibling who just has to be contrary even if it costs them every common-sense benefit in the book. Originally, Canada didn't feel secure enough or real enough to have equality, instead we knelt to the Crown just in case we should ever have to draw on those resources. It was cowardly then and it is damaging now.

Canada removed itself from the discussion over 200 years ago. The country chose servitude over being "rude" and I think they were fools to do it. Worse, we hang on to it as though there were any reason at all to be this way. And then we're baffled when the U.S, treats us as though we are a secondary nation. We shouldn't be - we are.

I'm pretty sure most Canadians don't realize this. From what I've heard we, as a group, seem to think the powers of the Crown are a formality. I can say with absolute certainty - they're not. Those powers are the determining force that decides the fate of the country and everyone living in it.

If there were two siblings and one chose to educate herself, work to be independent, make her own decisions and learn to live in the world on her own while the other chose to stay at home, refused an education, insisted on being cared for, refused to participate in life in any but the most rudimentary, functional ways. One was perhaps too brash, too noisy but always sunny. That one cared about life and lived it to the fullest, often getting into trouble, exploring new places, trying new things and failing as often as not but getting out there, making things, talking to people, caring. While the other went along with everyone in public but sourly hated most of them in private, did not speak her mind, stayed in her hometown, focused on her looks and what she could get from her mother, was angry and narrow and bitter and although she often talked about making things or doing things never actually did - which one would you say had a more vital outlook on the world? Which one would you want to know? Which one would you want to be?

For me the answer is not always pleasant because I live that truth on every level but it is simple. There's no contest. Sour, bitter, inward and tied to your mother for life is no way to live, not as a person, not as a country.

How the U.S. deals with Canada is sometimes beyond my ability to comprehend. Canada rejected every sensible thing the Americans ever came up with; including democracy. Yet Canada still expects to be treated as an equal and included in every discussion. It is a mark of how civilized the Americans are that they can put aside the absolute rejection of every American value and the subsequent pretence that such a rejection never occurred well to treat Canada like a valued sister nation. It is something to learn from. It is good manners on a global scale. Personally, if I were the U.S. and I had to deal with such a wrong-headed sibling always tugging at my coat sleeve, I would not be so kind.

So today, I try to look forward. Try to parcel my life out into the personal and the political, the present and the past. I try to enjoy what is here, exactly where I am but in that moment, cannot and do not forget to consider the future in everything I do. It's a hard balance to live without regret in this moment, carry along the lessons of the past without crying over them and embrace an uncertain future as though it had any promise. I am trying to write out my greater demons in order to get there. It's not an easy thing.